Diary of the unmarried.

So it's the new year and as is customary, everyone sends out new year greetings and prayers,
prayers that go like;

 2016 will be a year of greatness for you and your family, a year of prosperity and favour, promotion and testimonies, upliftment and great achievement and so on and so fort. want to know the calibre of messages I got?

My aunty in Lagos: Happy New year my dear, God will cause your Mr right to locate you this 2016

Family friend: This year God will change your story, people shall call you Mrs IJN.

My Mom: This is the year for you o my daughter. (guess she expects me to know what that means)

My Aunt in the US: This is your year, before it runs out there shall be 3 big gatherings of celebrations just for you. (guessing she means traditional wedding,wedding and child dedication).

My diplomatic Pastor:  I say a prayer for you, that our heavenly Father will direct your path to a place of rest, a place of comfort, a place of happiness, many will gather for your sake this year, rejoicing and celebration will never depart from your doorstep and we will come to say thank you to God on your behalf.

All these new year greetings and prayers basically wished the same thing, albeit veiled in various outfits.
I graciously responded to each of them with a sincere 'Amen' and 'Thank you', but it got me thinking about the pressure women face when they come of a "certain age". Why does everyone think at 30, marriage is the answer to all our questions and our biggest problem? Don't get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing I know and I look forward to the day I have the opportunity to say I do to that special someone, but truth is when I was asked to write out prayer points of what i desire for 2016  marriage didn't make my top 3 list.

Now I don't write this with any angst or sadness, in fact, I find it very amusing when people shower me with nuptial prayers and taunts and all what not about being unmarried. My Mom has the harshest and meanest words about my "predicament" but I still laugh those off, so believe me when I say I'm unfazed. However, I wonder why we feel compelled to point out the fact.

 Does being unmarried make you less accomplished a woman?

When I go out with my nephew people are quick to say "oh such a handsome boy, how old is your son?" and I go "he's not my son". Then I get "the look" and then the words, "God will give you your own" and I think to myself "You self, God go give you brain. I'm not barren, I'm just unmarried".

Or you go for counselling and when the man of God sees your hand/finger without the wedding band, he thinks your reason for coming for deliverance is to seek a man. Cant I just be looking to get saved? or an exorcism?

Our Nigerian Moms and Aunties need to back up a bit. Stop and look at the recent spike in divorce rates. Or the skyrocketing demand for stress disorder and depression pills. Recently read a sad, unfortunate and a tad annoying story of a 29 year old woman that took her life because she was on the brink of 30, unmarried and without child. Hence, she felt unaccomplished. I bet you she let other peoples assessment of her life get to her.

I have married friends that on or after their wedding day, between Congratulations and Thank you's, hold my hand firmly. look me square in the eyes and say: " your time will come babe". Almost like my congratulatory speech was nothing short of envy. Now all some honest ones say is "marriage is not easy, don't be pressured, enjoy your single state".

Well, I'd like to believe I've developed a thick skin. I'm not going to deny, beneath the seemingly hard exterior the pressure does get to me every now and then, but I've always done well at not letting unpleasant thoughts linger. Besides, it could be worse.

So before I close this chapter, I dare you concerned family members, friends and wellwishers to rethink your obsession about my supposed problem. Release yourself from it this 2016. Marriage is a phase in a persons life not what defines that life. I want to be rich, I want to be healthy, I want to be a force to be reckoned with, so let me focus my life on building my dreams. Dreams that fuel my passion and make a fortune while I'm at it and also give back to the society the best way I can...yeah I know, including buying you that car you so desperately want aunty Rachael. Above all, nurturing the prosperity of my soul. That is what I rather you say and wish me this 2016.