Just to be clear, child abuse is not new. Social media has simply made us more aware of its presence on this side of the Atlantic. And for those who have always been aware of it but assume it the African way of grooming a child, to you i say hell Nein (German for no). Child abuse, no matter the way or form it is dressed up, is evil, not to mention inhumane.
According to statistics, 1 out of 3 children are abused everyday worldwide. Here in Naija, that should read 2 out of 3. Forget the recorded cases, and try to imagine how many go unrecorded/unreported? What’s worse, it is more often than not accepted as norm. Physical abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual abuse are a menace but are so common place, it is a wonder Nigerians suffer fewer recorded cases of psychological break downs (most times, we only suffer psychological break downs when we go broke). Maybe that myth of Africans and thick skins is real after all…but I digress.
Every single day, you get at least two reports of cases of rape or physical abuse of a minor. Statistics (pardon me and these stats) state that 40 million children are abused each year, imaging such staggering figures. And these are children that will grow up to be our future.
We as bystanders shouldn't do just that…’stand by’ and watch as that neighbors child or maid is suffering some form of abuse or the other. We should do more than peek through barely open curtains, listen through thin walls/fences or stand at balconies to our apartments while some of these acts are going on.
Bystander; according to Jackson Katz is defined as a family member, friend, classmate, teammate, coworker—anyone who has a family, school, social, or professional relationship with someone who might in some way be abusive or experiencing abuse. “Bystander” also refers to anyone in a larger peer culture, whether or not they are present at the time of a specific incident.
I know reading this, some might think; what do we do? How do we speak up? How do we challenge these people? But what you SHOULD be thinking is how do we not remain silent in the face of abuse?
That answer, is this piece and the reason for it.
We shouldn't stop talking about child abuse.
We shouldn't stop talking about child abuse.
Those of us that still have a conscience should be at the forefront of ending it (sounds shady but believe me, some folks only consult with that inner voice when they are trying to decide what dinner should be).
We should go out of our way to see that children are kept safe because every child deserves that. I shudder whenever i'm watching the news with my nephew or niece and there is a piece on the growing threat of terrorism. Ofcourse they need to be informed on the evil tendencies of man, but that information comes at a price, their innocence. To combat evil, one needs to give up a semblance of their innocence. My nephew asked me the other day; what if Boko Haram makes it to our city, what will we do? Coming from a child? One who’d not even experienced that first bike ride but knows to fear terrorists, i was at a loss for words.
Forgive my segue into the topic of terrorists but guess what, so many children are already living in homes with terrorist cloaked as parents and guardians that constantly abuse them.
Forgive my segue into the topic of terrorists but guess what, so many children are already living in homes with terrorist cloaked as parents and guardians that constantly abuse them.
It is hard to speak up for a child that is being abused by their parents in this part of the world especially as regards physical abuse
Admit it or not, if you grew up in the 70’s to early 90’s, you suffered some form of abuse, no matter how carefully it was dressed up as grooming. Heck, even I did.
I was already running ‘pepper grinding errands’ by age 5. Playing maid to my younger siblings by age 7 and doing sizable laundry with my bare hands at age 10.
Don’t even get me started on the times I was flogged, Countless times. But to excuse the parents, and growing up in that time, those were much more innocent times with way less consequences. Our parents knew no other way, and kids had thicker skins than they do now..both mentally and physically. (This topic will receive a more in depth revisitation in a later post)
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Do not stay quiet or ignorant, intervene. Report your neighbors. Do not want to be labeled a pork nosing busy body? Whip out your cellphone and capture the beasts in the act. Keep taking those pictures keep making those videos if you can't intervene, spread the word. We should teach our children both male and female to speak up and report any case of abuse against them. One way these abusers hold their victim captive is by intimidation, we need to break that power. Teach your children confidence in the face of fear. Sad as that may sound they need to know they can report their oppressors and be reassured they can get justice. Be their voice. It is our moral obligation to protect these children. A child lacking in confidence grows into an adult whose ersatz confidence is easily broken down. Ever watched a 15 year old address an audience in the states as opposed to a 30 year old here in Nigeria? Child abuse breaks down confidence in one self and it shows even decades later.
My friend said to me “it is hard to speak up for a child that is being abused by their parent(s) in this part of the world apropos physical/mental abuse”, I emphatically disagreed then and I still do. Ever heard that popular saying that states how it takes a whole village to raise a child? Those shouldn’t be just words, we should learn to act on it. Whilst African parents in turn learn to draw the line between discipline and abuse.
It takes 9 months to make a child, why break them in minutes?
How do we go from loving and valuing the little prince and princesses we bring into the world to devaluing their self-esteem as they grow older? This needs to stop.
We need to break the cycle, because most perpetrators of violence are the victims of other men's violence and by their acts, they simply ensure that violence lives on.
All that referencing (y)our kid or ward as "ode" or "onye ara" takes its toll mentally
Jackson Katz further states
"The bystander approach is trying to give people tools to interrupt that process and to speak up and create a peer culture climate where the abusive behavior will be seen as unacceptable, not just because it's illegal, but because it's wrong and unacceptable in the peer culture. And if we can get to the place where men who act out in sexist ways will lose status, young men and boys who act out in sexist and harassing ways towards girls and women as well as towards other boys and men will lose status as a result of it, we'll see a radical diminution of the abuse. Because the typical perpetrator is not sick and twisted. He's a normal guy in every other way."
Keep making videos, keep taking pictures of abused children and keep sharing them on all media platforms available so justice can be served or at the least, these perpetrators can be humiliated into being proper minders to the minors they are supposed to be caring for. Add your voice to this movement, it does matter.
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