The Culture of Entitlement

There’s a disturbing trend in Nigeria that whilst some argue it's a growing one, I say it's one that is fairly long in the tooth, and quite frankly, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth - the trend I mean, not my consideration. The Entitlement Mentality.

At risk of being labeled a socio-cultural factor and expectation that is plaguing the Nigerian household, this trend suddenly transcends the home/not just amongst family members, but burgeoning relationships now have unspoken requirements that both parties have to commit to, entitled fans expect that for lending their support to a celebrity, he/she suddenly owes them one form of financial aid or another.

I happened upon a post the other day of a lady who apparently is the only member of her family in the work force; hence, she’s constantly badgered with family needs and wants. 

Now, she constantly throws in that fine mixture of blood, sweat and tears to ensure that every family need is tended to at the risk of her health and sanity.

Thanks to all that hard work, she then decides to reward herself by purchasing a home back home to call her own should she ever decide to relocate (she works/lives abroad).

Sending her savings home to her mother to oversee the home purchase. O-so-sweet-mum in turn decides to take the money and gives to 'bread winners' sibling to fund a business that was supposed to triple the investment in a snap. Win win right? Wrong! Business went belly up.

Sister dearest found out much later about her misappropriated savings and a business venture that had little to no chance of success right from the onset. She was not even afforded the luxury of  complaining because 'mama like no other' right from jump defaults to the guilt trip script of: "how much sef is $80k?......can it compensate for 9 months of carrying her or laboring to train her through the years".

Every African mom has a variant of this guilt tripping mind you.

Ever stop and wonder what life must be like for that family member you are heavily dependent on? As much as they seem to have it together, I assure you, they are far from super human and also seek solace and a helping hand.

This story is rather common place in  many a Nigerian home. Soon as one member starts making a living, they are slowly elevated to benefactor status to the entire family (sometimes their whole village even). Usually starts small. Meetings do not commence until their arrival. Then they are mandated to send recharge vouchers every 3 weeks to family members to ease the burden for dad, then before you know it, they are shouldering the university tuition.

Don't misunderstand, I am a strong proponent of filial love and loyalty but there comes a point where it all just turns to plain blue exploitation.

I consider it nothing short of a blessing from the most high, to be the reason why parents can venture into an uber comfy early retirement, to be the tool via which family (and friends even) attain financial liberation.

Whenever possible, facilitate the growth of your family and friends if YOU choose, not at the behest of a parent nor guilted into this huge responsibility.

This subject matter hit me a little close for comfort seeing as I recently engaged in an argument where a colleague put forth/defended the notion of how her dad invested a whole bounty on her eldest brother (i.e. compared to she and the rest of her siblings), so that he (her brother) could in turn see to their welfare, and it paid off.

Folly of the highest order is what I termed it. The outcome is usually one of 3 things.

a) To be leveled with such a huge responsibility, even mentally could be quite daunting. The pressure of knowing how much lies on your success, knowing what lies at stake if you fail could be the reason one ends up failing.

b) Are you God to know the heart of man? What if HIS welfare and that of his girlfriend, wife or hangout buddies take precedence over filial loyalty?

c) to preface, growth is a gradual process, no child should be deliberately made to skip out on any step.

Assuming yeah, things work out according to dads plan, anyone tasked with this responsibility would at a young age and throughout their life time not know how to be anything but planners and perfectionists (even to their spouse). Essentially being robbed of their youth thus becoming robots.

Frankly, every child should be given equal opportunity so that he or she can make their own way. That cycle of training one child to assume the responsibility of grooming others to come is you THE PARENT'S job not theirs. Parents really need to stop with this 'reverse pimp' practice like a colleague terms it.

Young couples are also not exempt from this trend. "Upkeep" I think is what it is termed in many circles. We are dating, so he has to buy me that 300k phone or at least contribute towards its purchase (her contribution is all of 20k), or pay for her hair, or rent. When exactly did our sense of dignity die in the battle of the sexes? What happened to the days of having “vex money” as a form of contingency for when the man in turn feels "entitled" to your body as a form of 'quid pro quo' on account of all that splurging on you?

We need to find where that dignity is buried, exhume and breathe new life into it because we absolutely cannot pass this practice on to the next generation. As a collective, we should strive to leave an inheritance for our children and not burden them with our socio-normative expectations