when my mom whom i may have mentioned has some latent type super hearing that is triggered by key words like..you guessed it, 'weddings' and 'marriages' from all the way in the house yells "that's your age mate getting married there o". Bride to be is in fact about a decade younger than me i thought to myself (did i also mention my mom also exhibits some psychic tendencies?) for at that point she then goes "no mind me, i must be getting old, no be just as you finish university them born am?" We all laughed at this jab as we do others my mom throws at my/our expense but that got me thinking, when exactly is the right age for a girl to get married? Then I expressed to my sister, "I may not know the right time to get married, but I don't think a twenty year old girl has any business getting married".
Emphasis on "I" Before i'm burnt at the stake (or comments section) for that innocent sentiment.
N.B, I usually write my posts from what obtains in my environment not in a general world wide context
OK. Now I explain my sentiments. At age twenty to about twenty two, most girls in Nigeria are either about to go into the university, are in the university or about to round up their degree programs. Now at that stage, many have not made up their minds yet on what they want to do with their lives. By making up their minds, I mean they haven't carved a clear path for themselves. They hardly know who and why they want to get married. Just because your man rocks your world in the proverbial "hay stack" does not guaranty a marriage will last 50 years. (Incase you are wondering, yes, these 21st century 16-20 year olds kids - because thats what they are are already partaking heavily in the proverbial "hay stack" frolicking).
These kids have no idea what career paths they should tread (not just having a job). Mostly, they haven't yet discovered their identity.
"I may not know the right time to get married, but I don't think a twenty year old girl has any business getting married"
There's no emotional, spiritual, psychological and (or) physical independence at that stage to warrant marriage. I'm no marriage counselor but I dare say that's one of the major reasons marriages are not working in this part of the world. You don't go into a marriage hoping your husband be your religious guide, provider, doctor and mentalist. If you don't understand yourself, how do you want to live with and accept someone else?
I saw on TV months back a segment where Hillary Clinton said she refused Bill's marriage proposal twice or so before she finally accepted. She narrated..
"Bill You know, I can't say yes. I can't do that right now.' Im desperately in love with you but utterly confused about my life and future, So 'No not now"
Bill proposed again a year after and I still said no. She explained that "It was a large part of the ambivalence and the worry that I wouldn't necessarily know who I was or what I could do if I got married to someone who was going to chart a path that he was incredibly clear about,"
What she was simply saying was that Bill already knew what he wanted to do with his life (politics) but she didn't and so she didn't feel that was the time to say yes to marriage.
Now that's the issue. Do you know what you want to do with your life?
It's easy to have ideas about things you want for your life but if I gave you a paper to write out your 5 year plan, could you?
Yes many want to get married and that's a noble goal but for most that's all they think about, that's all they want, in fairness it's not totally their fault. Mostly that's what our parents expect of us. As soon as we graduate GBAM!!! they and relatives keep going -looking forward to coming to chop rice o.
Times are changing. Men these days don't want to marry a woman that doesn't want to do anything else with her life other than birth children. Men also want women bringing something to the table (even if na table water). Frankly I think it's even an insult to yourself to be made in the image of the supreme creative God and come to this earth to just marry, give birth and die.
GET A VISION BOARD, put up what you want to achieve from now to the next five years and watch them be.
Five years ago I didn't know what I really wanted to do with my life, scratch that, two years ago I wasn't really definite about what I wanted to do with my life. Now I know - and not just knowing I'm independently mature and emotionally stable to make that bold step and I can say like that Bros that kept calling God... Baba pick up my call o!!!
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