Diary of the unmarried.

A friend asked me few days ago if marriage would make one happier, without skipping a beat I said yeah absolutely. And I went further, unsolicited to explain the bliss of married life , the laughs, the gossips about our friends and family, the uninterrupted hours of consummation, the never ending time spent together and all the amazing benefits of being married. then I thought to myself  'how do you know all this about marriage?'


Will being married make a difference in my life? A difference that is good enough to make me happier than i have ever felt being single? Also, can unequaled happiness be derived just from the way someone else makes me feel? What is responsible for genuine happiness, a person or thing?

What saddens me the most is when what is supposedly the source of ones genuine happiness at 2am turns out to be the source of ones sadness. How does one go from swearing to love and protect his mate to turning her into a punching bag to the extent that she loses their child, a product of professed love.
How does a woman go from loving her mate dearly to putting a knife to the neck of her man and end his life while he slept defenseless.
While you ponder these happenings of barely a week in this country lemme give my two cents on happiness in marriage.

I think to have a happy marriage you must first of all be a happy person, you can't give what you don't have, so if I'm unhappy with my life, how much really can someone else do for me?

I believe I can find happiness in marriage because of the kind of relationship I hope to have with my mate. People go into marriage with unrealistic and unreasonable expectations and when marriage proves not to meet those expectations they naturally become disillusioned. I have a friend that got married because she was tired of paying her own rent and utility bills. In my opinion she needed financial stability not a man. Another said she couldn't wait to be married because wanted to leave her parents home. Duh!!! She needed freedom, I bet no one told her in marriage you share a room.

The belief that if single people would only get married when they attain a certain age or (and) status they would be happier is a belief I disagree with. That school of thought is one emanating from our cultural stereotype of stigmatization against the single as opposed to the celebration of the married. Dr Bella De Paulo  said this to buttress my point

 " ....maybe if the single life and single people were not targets of all that singlism and had just as much respect as married people and marriage,then it would not matter who did or did not get married. Everyone could choose their own path and happiness will follow".

It's not marriage that makes you happy,it's a happy marriage that makes you happy.
A good relationship and mutual respect for one another is the basis for a successful marriages, it keeps us happier and healthier. So if I'm asked that question again I'll say another unequivocal yes. God help me I'll be happy in my marriage when the time comes just as much or more than I am at this moment.