Diary of the unmarried

It's another Saturday and my contingency bestie chichi is headed for a wedding.


Chi: How do I look?

Me: Not bad...

Chi: Let's go now?

Me: Nope, not interested

Chi: Why?

Me: Because it's a trap

Chi: A what now?

Me: You heard me, a damn trap!

Chi: ok, this is news to me. Since when marriage don turn rat trap?

Me: Since time immemorial madam. Seriously, has any female ever taken time out to weigh the pros and cons of being married?

Chi: Na, but I get feeling say you are about to weigh am for me.

Me: aren't you just bright. To start with, when was the last time you called your mom? Don't answer, I'll tell you, 2 whole weeks ago. You have a family that despite all the love, they still get on your nerves and sometimes you just want to run away somewhere and forget about them. how do I know? You run come my house say you wan clear your head and 2 weeks later the head still never clear. Not to mention you been asking me everyday if your mama don call me. Now, when you gain another family by virtue of marriage, what will you do anytime your head needs clearing? Fun fact: my house will not be opened to you  o. Before your people say na your single friend dey negatively influence their pikin.

Chi: Ah ah, that's not true.

Me: So true madam.

Chi: my inlaws will definitely adore me (all said while she turns lascivious-like implying her great figure)

Me: sure, if you are looking to seduce his whole family and his mom and sisters are bisexual. Are you insane!!!
Most times it's the new wife that doesn't have a good relationship with her in laws cos its not gonna be easy accepting the fact some other girl presumes to know what's best for their son/manchild.

Chi: Who are you speaking English for?

Me: Add to that, when you get married,  your freedom becomes somewhat not free. You can't put your needs first,you have to take permission before you do anything. Common!! doesn't take a rocket scientist to see. Even to call me will become quite the feat, not to mention coming here.
Take Bisi for example, do you know I have not seen her since she got married? Whenever I call she'll tell me she'll call me back but never does. I no dey complain o, just stating for emphasis that marriage makes you lose a monumental portion of yourself.

Chi: You are just a bitter single girl

Me: I agree,but wait now, I have not finished, I have over 50 on my list....

Chi: Biko leave me jor,I'm off to my wedding.

Me: Just so you know, that Asoebi is dreadful.

Chi: Thank you

Me: Enjoy your wedding and remember not to catch the bouquet.